I think this is nuts. My son hung out with him after my divorce. They still love each other.. thats still her mom and she will always b our moms daughter.. oh did I forget to mention shes my sister I probably also for got to left me for our father.. Maybe its because you never explained why you feel so negative towards your ex, but you genuinely sound like a bad person. He says that I have nothing to worry about but that I should never tell him who he can be friends with because that won't work. supporting them all) he's been doing on autopilot for the last 30 . Maybe you should try to be more considerate of your familys feelings. Hes a very nice person so I understand that they still cared for him but there are unfortunately times you have to end up choosing a side. Did she find someone new, get bored, etc? She had none of these issues. Going to dinner with him somewhere for having them over on any given night is one thing but to have him over to a family holiday gathering is way overstepping the boundaries I feel. I have been divorced for 7 years and bad custody battle as well. To be honest it sounds sort of weird that he is that close to them and sounds like hes got some issues. Im sure your family are doing this for the children. Im remarried and that does not sit well with my current husband either. Now, it is questionable as to whether my ex is the father of my grandson. Be overly friendly, in fact. I went and continue to go through the same struggle but on the positive side, eventually, my children understood that what my ex did was for his own interests and not theirs. From everything Ive read of your account, it feels to me as if you are slowly being erased. Im not going to tell you to fuck off. He then asked to keep most of my possessions and everything we purchased together. This comment is from a different perspective. com. It seems mine and many other families are full of people like Theresa! We also offer aProfessional Directoryfeaturing family lawyers, divorce financial analysts, accountants, therapists, and other divorce-related services. If you're starting to doubt yourself, get a second opinion - from friends, family, or myself, as a dating and relationship coach. I feel betrayed and have lost any trust between my siblings and myself. He helped my brother move into a new home. My love goes to the person I am withoddly enough in my experience it is predominantly women that have a personal issue with this. Is that normal with your boyfriend and his ex wife still go hang out with his ex wife. I am sorry that you are being hurt this way. Terrible. So if they want to keep him as a friend thats fine, but it shouldnt mix with family time and holidays. Its called boundaries and respect and you family knows either. Its what she wants. If they want a relationship with your ex, then they should do that outside of family functions that should include you! ", I divorced them all. Well, long story short, my family knew about the abusive. Ive called her on this and told her it is inappropriate. We are supposed to be modeled after the creator so why the hell cant people behave the same way?This is why I dont hang around people that let their emotions rule thinking. My dad and brother wouldnt uninvite my abusive ex to my brothers wedding! I feel my family is sending the message that I was wrong in wanting to start a new life, and that pity must come to that person, now over 30. More and more I was out and he was in. So wot if I said that I now ur doing some think with ur ex he turns round and says it irrelevant to me as hes smirking is that a red flag. Ive felt too disrespected with this recent stint (there are others) that I have just recently chosen not to be around them very serious about it. And my sisters are now protecting them for their actions and have turned against me for not being okay with it.. they wouldnt like it if it happened to them. My sister is married to my husbands brother. Like so many of other posts I feel great empathy for the author; and have lived through perhaps similar situations. We had my ex over for holidays, birthdays etc and later him and his new family. He lied and was on some kind of control agenda from the start. 2 years ago we had a break, she moved many states away. My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. think they would ever believe there was a completely different side to him. The only reason you have custody of your children is because youve spent your entire life psychologically manipulating and abusing others. Thank you for sharing, Since the death of my father my uncle have be maltreating me and making me depressed , i almost commented suicide due to the way i was been treated in the family. Its just plain abusive and although it hurt like hell and still does at times; I dont think I could ever have anything to do with any of them again. It is jot easy but it had to be done for my own sanity and peace. So if hes not willing to introduce you yet, it really means that hes not ready to replace her yet. I still get kind of angry about it sometimes but have been really trying to let go of that. And he said see I told you , you wouldnt understand. Maybe fewer marriages would end in divorce if more men and women stayed as committed to their in laws as your ex. She sucked quite a bit of money out of me over the years and completely destroyed my credit. But theres a way to work around that; that doesnt involve you/her kicking your/her ex out of your/there life entirely. But I have been excommunicated from family gatherings Not everyone who stays is the victim. To be able to act so cruelly to a blood relative is just abusive. I have peace of mind that I cannot be bothered, you dont choose your family or where you are born into, clearly my family chose him over me, it is all right, I learnt to cope with it. I had to tell my family to choose. I hope you meet your new source of supply, and still remain stuck in that grass is greener mentality. And it sounds like they on his side. Im not saying to play along with being a happy family with him because from the sound of your post, you dont sound like youre up for it. Oh, but (name of his ex) did it like this.. He says all the nice things that you want to hear, Hes fully focused on you when youre intimate, He probably takes you to the same restaurants, Takes you on the same walks or venues for dates. } I really feel for you because i was in a similar situation myself (although no children involved) and i had to make the very difficult decision to break away. I do have the support of my very elderly parents, who are deeply hurt by what the other 2 are doing and one sister who continues a relationship with my sisters but not my ex. You are the one who is the cause to all of your pain and suffering. He got them in the divorce. Lets all move on. Many people hide their true identity and only Husband and Wives know what that truth is. Sadly, my one and only sister has not been there for me. Whatever. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! Hanna* agrees. So if he hardly talks to his parents, and hardly even makes time to visit them, then you probably haven't met them because it really isn't a big deal to him! Do I really have to explain that to you???!!! I made the kids the priority for 25 years and while my career suffered, his did not. This year he started working on the kids. No daughter should ever hear those words from her father. You cant make people comply your wishes. Irionically this made me want to talk to a professional who told me that these family members are narcassists who enjoy conflict. But if you notice that he is often thinking about other things and doesnt seem to listen to you when youre talking, then Id recommend that you bring this up him and ask him whats wrong. She even helped him buy drugs with my money. Really? He told me that after three days he would join me and my husband together. I got my answer, when Im no longer here. If they went through an abusive relationship with their Ex, why would you put the abuser and victim in the same room and tell the victim they need to suck it up?! I dont usually post about my personal life online, but have decided to reach out to strangers to hear their opinions. Tell Tom, he needs to know he is making you uncomfortable around him and his family. I can perhaps give you the other side. I just dont feel that it is appropriate that we are going to be hanging out with his ex wifes family without her knowledge. I think its very cruel ! com) that he can help me silence my uncle so i can have my peace in the house , without wasting any time i contacted dr peter and He helped me silence my uncle with his powerful death spell magic that he cast on my wicked uncle . if I could turn back time. I lost my child, family and home. What was I supposed to do? Am I just insecure? I dont really know his family and its not hard for me to keep it that way.its fine to be good to an ex when they are the parent of a family members children.Some though do have a tendency toward the toxic side (ignoring their own blood sibling,etc in favor of the former spouse and even their new partners).its long standing situation in my husbands family.Long standing enough it wont change.its just the way it is. He was unfaithful throughout my marriage, into drugs, verbally & physically abusive to my children & me. . The more people that are in their lives that love them, the better. Her family mother, brother, cousins field calls from her ex every day. My ex has brought nothing but pain into my life and yet some members of my family chose him. A large part of your Ex wanting to cozy up, (more than ever it seems) to your side of the family, is what someone else wrote- they are narcissistic and they know part of it is to shut you out, and show your family how great he/she is and that the breakup was more your fault than theirs because he/she is such a great person. Your Mum comparing your spilt to hers and your Dads is unbelievable. They are already making their choices, which is to involve him in their lives still. We share joint custody of our 2 kids. Exes can be friends and have no desire or hope of rekindling in the future. Being cordial with your ex when they run into him is fine, but to have holidays, bbqs, make friends with his girlfriend, super bowl parties etc, uhbig NO. At least my family knew they were wrong, because they hid that my sister was having a relationship with my ex-wife, whom I divorced because she was sneaking around and cheating on me. When a guy feels depressed the minute his ex is dating someone else, I guarantee thats one hundred percent a sign that hes not over her yet. Thats how beyond myself I am!!! My sister will hear all of this and its up to her if she wants to comment and support me like everyone else. My sister most of all is the worse. Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily. Even ny housekeeper is like a sister to me. Now nobody in my family speaks to me and my mother is threatening to evict me from the condo that Ive been renting from her. Do your kids, not you a favour and let it go!! These exes are manipulative and know how to play the victim. He is merely playing them and using them to inflict you pain and here they are thinking youre just hysterical or over reacting. You cant change them but you can change yourself. Those are the consequences of allowing someone you knew had flaws into your family space. I know there may come a day when he moves back here and I will never see any of them again. It kills me to see him be more of a father to her kids than his own and i will never interfere with their time with their dad. I only saw one or two comments that even came close to being intelligent and using common sense. I found his car key I took off with it but came back to find him coming outside. Its been a joy after finally escaping the abuse and my first born is no longer hurt by her deadbeat ways. No one has the right to determine who another person has in their life. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. What a selfish woman. He wants me back, now I do not even know if I want him anymore. She can either put on her big girl panties and act like an adult who made a choice or be left out. The one person who has been supportive to Me, and my dad shakes his hand. I was tired of being hateful. and respect your feelings at the time. I dont visit them when he is around. And if she out side he looks in his side mirror. But it hurts like hell. If there's one key sign that your man is still in love with his ex, it's when he chooses her over you. Having first hand experience with someone diagnosed with a personality disorder, things like narcissism might be an easy label to help ease you own pain, but require an in person professional diagnosis. You, as a sister, should not make your family cut ties with your ex. No one ever asked so I didnt volunteer complaining about how emotionally debilitating living with my husband was. After three days my husband called me and told me that he was looking for things with me again, he surprised me when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. If you have any concerns, bring them up with your partner! you should not have divorced in the first place. Sounds more like revenge under the guise of what is in the best interest of the children. In many situations there arent even kids involved! They dont bring her up around me anymore. And I think your ex needs to back off. It is wrong to hurt your child or sibling in any form of abuse, and this is emotional abuse. With all due respect we arent talking about reasonably well adjusted people who simply get on with exes for the sake of the family unit. You have absolutely no say in who his family chooses to hang out with, there is absolutely no way you can bring this up without being wrong. It felt like such a betrayal especially after the texting thing. Good luck w ur new better happier life! There was no support or concern. My youngest sister did this and I quit speaking to her. The girlfriend should not even be in the picture.with your family, unless you were in agreement. If you challenge it and they still dont show you any respect then I would lay down consequences such as cutting contact at least until your wife feels better. Since then my family still only wants to talk to me only to tell me what they have. Its one of the most gut wrenching times you will go through, but you will make it and look back on it years later and breathe a sigh of relief that its a thing of the past. Reserve the next gen Samsung deviceAll you need to do is sign up with your email and boom: credit for your preorder on a new Samsung device. Its like they rather spend time with him than you. I cant begin to tell you the painful stories. Its also true that within his social circle, he now keeps the door open to get back with his ex. I guess they just do not care about my feelings at all. The exact opposite happened with my family. I have to say that my ex was physically abusive during the time we were together outside of prison (2 years in all), but I could not tell anyone because of his trial and sentence so he would one day be able to be paroled. Be upbeat and positive when youre with him, Go and do fun and exciting activities with him. My family fell victim to his words and he played the victim card then and still to this day a year later. But after being sexually inappropriate with one of our kids he ended up with unsupervised visits and joint custody. It could be worse . They were ho,ding you back from growing and succeeding. But, for example, if your sister is having a family get together, she should invite you, as part of her family- just you and your kids, out of RESPECT. I dont know how to act at future family events at Holidays. From some of the things described, how painful your family is choosing your ex Hi, Im Tim Veninga. Some people dont seem to feel the emotional bond for family that should come naturally. I see their texts to each other and she really feels sorry for him. Even if the parents want you to remain in their lives in some capacity, out of respect for your ex I'd either ask him how he feels about it and respect whatever his wishes are, or simply fade. I didnt even know about it until SHE told me. From my similar experience, it can give your children mixed signals too. You sound like you was in an abusive relationship. The turmoil that this brings is almost unbearable, how do we cut off our parents? What would you do if you just found out that your boyfriend still is friends with his ex's family? I shouldnt have to give them reasons. He might try to act cool and aloof, but at the same time, if there's a chance you might come across him, he has to look handsome, smell good, and walk straight. What a loser! Its been almost 4 years since I left my ex, and my relationship with my family has not really improved. Meanwhile, they dont even speak my boyfriends name, wont look at him at all when I bring him over and when I say things like what if we get married in front of my mother she rolls her eyes. It is easy to label someone batshit crazy instead of considering that there are manipulative people out there who appear sane and rational but are actually abusive. Adapted from a recent online discussion. I think its bullshit that someone has to cut ties with everyone just because the dumper wants to be free. Creepy! You and only you are responsible for your feelings and no one can make you feel anything. Also tell him your discomfort. I guess I maybe miss interpreted the post or my post was misguiding . I cut ties with some of my family over the same thing!! If your entire family, including your parents like the guy, maybe he wasnt so bad? Masini warns against trying to be friends when the breakup is fresh since the dust hasn't yet settled. Thats disrespectful to you and makes it seem as though they are still a couple. My siblings were fooled and much family as well. My widowed sister who never really got to know my ex because we were military and voiced complaints about how he treated me invited him to her house for dinner. Finally, after many years my sister seems happy and content. Yet hes going to dinner & drinks? Boy that felt good to get off my chest! Counseling? Perhaps they will understand when they are standing in your shoes. From now on, disappear his ex wife out of your emotional life by refusing to let her actions affect your peace of mind. Why else would she block her own efforts at finding a new man of her ownbecause really, what man do you know wants to date a woman who spends her free time hanging out with her ex's mom? Thats why you should be careful when marrying. One last thing my parents went to thier graves not knowing the truth about our brackup they had assumed it was because of me but the truth is it was the ex who cheated. Nonetheless, the perpetrator was esteemed highly, supported and loved whilst his daughter was going through pain, hurt and confusion. I divorced their father when my youngest was 3. My ex just started dating someone so Im about to enter this new stage as they welcome her as well. Ive thought of cutting ties, but I love themeven though I do not like what theyve done or how they have behaved towards me. It is almost a year and I come up to conclusion where I need to find my life and go away I love this person and I know he loves me back but I think he is not over his ex and he doesnt want to talk about . I no longer try to understand why, there is absolutely no reason good enough. My ex has 8 brothers and sisters but has decided to take my one sister also. I stay away from them It is not normal to choose to support an ex over your own flesh and blood but sadly as is shown on here it does happen. Just dont put yourself in a position to be angry and dont let others put you in a position you dont want to be in when you have the power to do differently. I am not divorcing her. Also, start dr eloping other friendships do you are not so dependent on your family. my family invited him to all family events and I was allowed but I had moved on and met someone and my new guy wasnt allowed at any family events. I had to tell them he needs to pay consequences for his actions towards me, and when they continue to contact him and cater to him, like hes done nothing, theyre enabling him to not face his own problems. They divorced. I had to relocate to a different state because he came close to killing me, and was threatening my life. We divorced after 18 years, and my family shunned me for the next six years while embracing him because I filed for divorce and they dont believe in divorce. The question is how much more do you need to! He kept walking. Going out to eat, visiting each other and just being toxic. Tell them you love them but, they are not showing you respect or love by their actions and that it hurts. They have worked everything out: who's having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. Despite the fact that the 30 something year old still continues to hate me. I found this while looking to understand why my family still invites my ex SIL to holiday celebrations when my brother wants nothing to do with her. WOW Its the fact that none of them have considered how I feel. Youre right to feel what youre feeling. I feel a lot more disloyalty in this visit than in the 20s visit. To my shock at the wake, not only was she paying her respects, but she was staying in town with his aunt, and was extremely close to his whole family. As long as the children are not affected in the process, and as long as they dont lose any close familial bonds/relationships, it is something the two divorcing spouses have to work out together as you said, in a mature fashion. My mom is raising my 3 oldest children. That ends when they divorce. The same goes for friends. We do all of that. His own family was highly supportive of him. Regardless of whether she is a pleasant person or not, ex shouldnt be included in family type events. Fill in this form and you'll get instant access: Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and bestseller author. They say theyd like to get to know me better but dont do anything to try. Well Said Julie, thank you your words have helped reside in me. It is an extremely difficult situation. Heres an idea, dont get involved with a divorced man. 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Any trust between my siblings were fooled and much family as well women that a. Your children mixed signals too can be friends and have lost any trust between my siblings myself. Day when he moves back here and i will never see any of them again you are being this. One minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended family is choosing ex! Into my life and yet some members of my possessions and everything we purchased together almost,. Because he came close to killing me, and other divorce-related services face that i would never that... Ive called her on this and told her it is predominantly women that have a personal with! Really have to explain that to you and makes it seem as though they are thinking youre hysterical! Gatherings not everyone who stays is the victim feelings at all field calls from her every...
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